Precy Larkins--YA Author: What Not to Write

Showing posts with label What Not to Write. Show all posts

On Dialogue and Speaker Attribution

I've decided to place all posts on writing mechanics under one place. So now you can find them in the page entitled Writing 101. It's under PAGES. Just right there--->

I'm the kind of gal who likes to make things easy. Simplify--one of my favorite words. When you are writing, editing, or exchanging crits with others, sometimes it is hard to process the feedback we get. Someone says, "Do this!", while others may say, "No, do this instead." From the comments I got from my previous post on Dialogue Mechanics and the "Said" Debate, one writer mentioned how she came across a blog/site telling writers to use creative writing tags, and even listed them as a writing resource. Yes, shocking I know. So what's a new writer to do when we're constantly bombarded with writing advices?

Three things: Read well-written published books, keep on writing, and listen to your gut.

Since "listening to your gut" doesn't come as easily for others, this is where I can help you. I give simplified advice based on my own experience as a writer and a reader.

So. Dialogue and Speaker Attribution. Since we're all about simplifying, I'm going to list the things we need to remember when attributing dialogue to a speaker:

1. Don't start a paragraph of dialogue with speaker attribution.

e.g. Mary said, "I don't know. I thought she was coming home with you."

Do this instead:

"I don't know," Mary said. "I thought she was coming home with you."

Why? Our goal here is to keep the speaker attributions transparent for smooth transitions between dialogue lines and the speaker. The reader gets to focus on the dialogue and at the same time know who's saying it, without getting pulled out of the story.

2. Place the character's name or pronoun first in a speaker attribution.

David said NOT said David

He said NOT said he.

3. Be consistent with how you refer to a character and stick with it for at least the length of a scene.

Consider this example:
       "I've lived here my whole life," said Martha. She handed him a beer can.
       "Is that so?"
       "Yes," said Mrs. Macey. "I've seen things happen around this neighborhood. Some pleasant, some not. I could tell you stories but I rather not."

(A page later...)
       "You reckon I should stay and give it a try?" he asked, standing up to leave.
       "If you want to keep your head straight, you better not," said the old woman.

"Martha", "Mrs. Macey", and the "old woman"--they're the same character. If you keep switching names in a scene, you'll end up confusing your reader. However, it doesn't mean that you are only allowed one form of address for your entire novel. If the viewpoint changes for one of your characters, say, the man in the example above gets to know Martha Macey more intimately and later on calls her by her first name or a nickname, then that's okay. Remember, we are talking about the length of a scene here.

4. Use beats to replace "said" or a dialogue tag, especially if you have three or more speakers.

Consider this:
e.g. "Let's go to the mall," Jessie said.
      "I'm tired of the mall. Why can't we do something else for a change?" May said.
      "Like what?" Ryan said.

The "said" is no longer transparent here. But if we use beats, we can break the said monotony:

      "Let's go to the mall," Jessie said.
      May crossed her arms. "I'm tired of the mall. Why can't we do something else for a change?
      "Like what?" Ryan said.

5. You can dispense with speaker attributions if it's clear from the dialogue who is speaking. BUT do not overdo it. You can break it up with beats if you need to, especially if it's long.

Ping-Pong dialogue:

"I just can't believe you said that to him!"
"Well I did. And I'm not sorry for it."
"I know he's a jerk and he probably deserved it, but that was harsh."

Breaking it up with a beat:

"I just can't believe you said that to him!"
Rachel plopped on the sofa. "Well I did. And I'm not sorry for it."
"I know he's a jerk and he probably deserved it, but that was harsh."

Questions? Comments? Rants? Feel free to discuss.

Reference: Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King (pp. 91-93)

P.S. I've just realized I have reached a 100 (and 1) followers. Hooray! A milestone worth celebrating for. So. I was thinking last night, wouldn't it be great to have a little contest to show my appreciation for these wonderful folks who stumbled their way here and probably didn't know what they signed up for? Hehehe.

Tune in tomorrow for the details. It's nothing grand or pompous. But there will be prize/s...hopefully something worth your time. =)

When You Should Affect Instead of Effect (Common Writing Errors)

Back in Agent Query Connect, I once posted about ten common writing mistakes spell check doesn't catch for you. The original article came from Yahoo Shine and you can see it here. If you don't want to click on the link, here's the lowdown, plus a few more that I've seen in some writing:

You may laugh at this and think you're not that stupid, but trust me, even the best of us fall victim to our blind trust in spell check.

1. ITS versus IT'S

IT'S, with the apostrophe, is a contraction of "It is". ITS refers to possession.
e.g. It's a nice day today. (It is a nice day today.)
      The fairy spread its wings.

2. SALES versus SAILS

3. AFFECT versus EFFECT

This is misused more often than not. Affect is a verb, as in: The weather affected her mood today. Though there would be others who'd say Affect can be a noun, such as in psychiatry when it is defined as: A feeling or subjective experience accompanying a thought or action or occurring in response to a stimulus.

Unless you're writing a thesis on Psychology/Psychiatry, Affect stands as a verb and means to have an effect upon; to act physically on.

Effect is usually a noun, defined as a phenomenon that follows and is caused by some previous phenomenon; an outward appearance; an impression (especially one that is artificial or contrived); or the central meaning or theme of a speech or literary work.

e.g. The effects of the drug were hallucinogenic.
       The magnetic effect was greater when the rod was lengthwise.
       His shouting and drunken revelry were all for effect.

Effect can also be a verb, meaning to produce, or to act so as to bring into existence.

e.g. Her valiant recycling efforts effected a change in their lifestyle.

If you arm yourself with their proper definitions, you won't confuse the two ever again.

4. WOULD HAVE not WOULD OF

Because WOULD HAVE gets shortened to WOULD'VE at times, people mistake this as WOULD OF (probably because they sound the same). WOULD OF is never correct, and unless you want to be seen as illiterate, do not use it ever.

5. THROUGH versus THREW

Again with the homophone. Two very different words sounding the same. Always double-check.

6. THEN versus THAN

You know this, right? You've got to know the difference between the two. THAN refers to a comparison, while THEN refers to a subsequent event.

7. SUPPOSED TO not SUPPOSE TO

8. WONDER versus WANDER

9. THEIR versus THEY'RE versus THERE

I see this a lot. Sometimes it stems from honest typos, sometimes from carelessness. Proofread your work. THEY'RE is a contraction for THEY ARE. THEIR is possessive. THERE refers to distance.

10. FARTHER versus FURTHER

FARTHER is physical distance. e.g. Farther down the road...

FURTHER is metaphorical distance. e.g. He went further in his efforts to win her affection.

11. HERE and HEAR

Blame it on homophones.

12. WERE and WE'RE

WE'RE is a contraction of WE ARE.

WERE is a 'to be' verb. (ARE/WERE)

What other errors do you find yourself stumbling on occasion?

On Dialogue Mechanics and the "Said" Debate

Jean gripped the end of his shirt and cried, “Don’t leave me! I beg you. Have pity on me.”

“Let go, Jean,” he ordered. “You’re acting like a child.”

She pleaded, “If you go, you’ll never come back. Stay. Stay with me.”

He replied, “You know I have to go home. I’ve got family waiting for me.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jean blurted in astonishment.

“I repeat, I have to go home,” he repeated.

Jean wailed in despair, “But…but I can’t go through these queries by myself. There’s 300 still waiting in my inbox!”

*grin*

Alright, joking aside, what do we see here? Cried, ordered, pleaded, replied, blurted, repeated, wailed. Did these dialogue tags jump out at you? Made you stumble, made you pause?

In Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Rennie Browne and Dave King, chapter 5 addresses the pitfalls of dialogue tags. I like how they give us this metaphor to explain why dialogue tags are considered lazy writing:

Imagine you’re at a play. It’s the middle of the first act; you’re getting really involved in the drama they’re acting out. Suddenly the playwright runs out on the stage and yells, “Do you see what’s happening here? Do you see how her coldness is behind his infidelity? Have you noticed the way his womanizing has undermined her confidence? Do you get it?” (pp.83-84)

When we tell our readers our characters are pleading, wondering, repeating, we’re basically saying, “Hey, my dialogue doesn’t show how my character is feeling so I need to tell you dear reader that you may know.” In other words, we have weak dialogues or we’re not confident our dialogue portrays the feeling we wish to convey to our audience.

Said, on the other hand, may look boring and so not fancy. You’re thinking, We’re writers! We revel in words! We must use beautiful, interesting words; otherwise, what good are they if we have to replace them with plain old boring said?

Said works because when we’re reading, our eyes gloss over it. It’s invisible. It’s transparent. We see the dialogue, and not the tag. Consider this:

“You get your butt over here, Johnny, or I swear to God I’ll whip it for breaking my favorite vase,” said Mrs. Babblemouth.

And then, this:

“You are in trouble, Johnny, for breaking my vase,” ranted Mrs. Babblemouth in anger.

Hm. Let’s nitpick, shall we? In the first example, the dialogue itself is already showing us how Mrs. Babblemouth is feeling: she’s upset, and we can probably picture her yelling at Johnny even though it doesn’t say so in the sentence. But the image is there, right? You see it.

Let’s take a look at the second example. We know Johnny is in trouble for breaking the vase, but here we’re also being told that Mrs. Babblemouth ranted in anger. Why is the writer telling us? Because the dialogue is not strong enough to convey Mrs. Babblemouth’s anger. We still see it since we’re told that’s what happened, but as a reader we feel patronized. It’s classic Show vs. Tell, and I’ll have a post about this sometime in the future.

You’ve probably come across this term in editing books: R.U.E. Resist the Urge to Explain. Example 2 above doesn’t RUE. It tells us Mrs. Babblemouth is angry. This is unnecessary and therefore, lazy writing. If the dialogue is already clear, there is no need for an explanation. Ever.

I’ll have more coming up on Dialogue and Adverbs, Dialogue and Characterization, and Dialogue and Speaker Attribution. So stay tuned.

What Not to Write Part 2: Passive vs. Active Voice

While doing crits awhile back, I came upon one writer's feedback (to another writer; it wasn't me) to lose the was, were, is, are, has been/had been etc. in their writing. Her point was that using the 'to be' verb is passive writing.

I think I butted in their discussion to say that the use of said verbs doesn't immediately mean it's passive writing; instead, PASSIVE VOICE happens when the subject is being acted upon by the verb.

e.g. Miss Harriet was being wooed by the dashing Duke of Norfolk.
subject verb agent of the action

*Note: It is not necessary to have an agent of the action. If we remove it, the sentence remains passive: Miss Hariet was being wooed.

As opposed to ACTIVE VOICE, which is when the subject is acting or doing the verb:

e.g. The dashing Duke of Norfolk wooed Miss Harriet.

Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? So why do we have such a hard time with passive and active voice?

The aforementioned writer who banished the wases and weres down the pit of Tartarus did not concur with me, as evident by the prose she wrote that I had to read later on with an aspirin and a cup of water by my side. (She also despised had/had been.)She was so determined to root out all the was and were and had been that her prose became choppy and convoluted.

Now I would never tarnish any other writer's name or their works, nor would I use somebody else's work to make a point for my own use and without consent. So I had to make my own narrative here, with the purpose of showing how sticking to the rule book like a deer tick doesn't benefit anyone, least of all a writer. (Actually, I don't think there's a rule that says you can never use 'to be' verbs. That would be criminally insane! Okay, exaggeration but you know what I mean.)

e.g. I looked out the window and saw him waiting for me. I planned to tell my mother, but I changed my mind at the last minute. She wouldn't understand. I wrote her a letter when she knocked on my door.

Do you see what's wrong here? Let's try that again.

e.g. I looked out the window and saw him waiting for me. I had been planning to tell my mother, but I changed my mind at the last minute. She wouldn't understand. I was writing her a letter when she knocked on my door.

>>Using had been in the sentence I had been planning to tell... does not make it passive because the subject I is doing the action had been planning to tell.

>>Again on next sentence I was writing her a letter.... This is a form of Past Continuous, by the way. To turn this into passive voice, we would have the object, in this case the letter, being acted upon by the subject I.

e.g. The letter was being written by me when she knocked on the door. [passive]

Sometimes, people confuse tense with passivity. I found a really handy chart where you can see the difference between Active and Passive Voice in different tenses.

Source

Still confused? You can find great resources here and here. I'm sure there are more helpful sites out there if you google them. (I love Google--we're bffs.)

Passive voice has its uses, so please do not flush it down the toilet. I can cite two, taken from one of the links I've given above:

1. When the actor in the situation is not important.

e.g. Twenty ml of acid was poured into the beaker.

2. When it is more important to draw attention to the thing or person acted upon.

e.g. The pedestrian was hit during rush hour.

If someone tells you to get rid of all the was and were and had been in your writing, don't take it too literally. And don't get too crazy. Writing is an art form (it's why we have poetry) because it has other elements to make it beautiful, not just perfecting your basic grammar. There's voice, beats, pacing, sophistication...and rules are really more like guidelines.

As always, aim for balance. Stay true to your voice, and have fun writing. =)

On Dialogue and Comma Splices

I've been reviewing my trusty guide Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King. *If you're a writer and you don't have a copy, go. Get. One. Now. You won't regret it.* I'm a multi-tasker (aren't all moms?) so I was reading on Dialogue while looking up Proper Punctuation Usage in the web. My internal editor has been kicking in lately and I just have to get these things out of the way before I resume writing.

Last year, a very competent writer friend (I respect her command of grammar) pointed out to me my use of comma splices in dialogue.

*Comma Splice: the use of a comma to join two independent clauses where the clauses are not connected by a conjunction, semicolon, or period. Example:

              I have a monkey, he likes to play with me.

By the rules of proper punctuation, this should be:

             -with a semicolon:   I have a monkey; he likes to play with me.
             -with a period:         I have a monkey. He likes to play with me.
             -with a conjunction: I have a monkey and he likes to play with me.

(I really don't have a monkey, in case you're wondering, but my Grandpa did when he was alive. Needless to say, he was a super cool grandpa.)

Okay, now that we've established that, let's look at what Self-Editing has to say about making Dialogue less formal and less stilted (pp.101-102):

********
                Another helpful technique is to use sentence fragments. Consider this exchange:

                "Is she pregnant?"
                "It doesn't matter whether she is or not. She's not going to marry him."

                 It sounds much less formal--and more like real speech--if you edit it to read:

                "Is she pregnant?"
                "Doesn't matter whether she is or not, she's not going to marry him."

                In the second exchange, the writer has used another technique (in addition to the sentence fragment) to good effect: the two sentences in the answer to the question are strung together with a comma instead of the (grammatically correct) period. If not overused, this technique captures the rhythms of real speech remarkably well.
*******

I think the key here is in the last sentence of above passage: If not OVERUSED. Grammarians will still balk at seeing comma splices in dialogues, but for us lesser beings, this is good enough proof that it can be acceptable. As long as we don't overuse it.

As with all things in life, aim for balance. Listen to your gut. Keep yourself true to the voice of your story.

Happy writing!

P.S. If you have any questions, enlightenments, disagreements, and rantings about above topics, please feel free to comment below. I'll try to answer as best as I can (armed with Google, Strunk and White, and Self-Editing for Fiction Writers).

Nothing Personal but Save the Drama for your Mama or What Not to Write Part 1: CLICHES

Cliches.

Hey, I saw a couple of you cringed. :)

Cliches have the ability to slip in our writing because of their familiarity. We use them, we hear them used all the time and around us, and we cling to them because let's face it, trying to think of an apt metaphor for a particular scene in our novel can be intimidating. And cliches? They're part of our comfort zones.

But for a writer who wishes to get published, cliches are the plague. Run while you can. *grin* As Salvador Dali once said: "The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot." (I got that from Wikipedia. Hope it's true. You never know with internet sources these days.)

Interestingly enough, these phrases used to be regarded as striking or beautiful before they became overused and turned into, well, cliches. Just goes to show that fame and beauty is fleeting, even for words.

So. I have a game. Let's play Who Can Spot the Cliches in the Narrative Below. [I had fun making this up.]

Disclaimer: The author of this blog is not responsible for any physical damage the readers may contract while reading this piece. Proceed at your own risk.

******

Laura nursed the bottle in her hand. It was past midnight and he still wasn’t home. History was repeating itself, and dammit, come hell or high water she was going to make this work. Whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder didn’t know what they were talking about. Or hadn’t met her good for nothin’ husband Ben.

The phone rang. With shaky fingers, Laura picked up the phone. “Hello?”

It was Mark, Ben’s partner in crime. Laura was caught off guard; she was expecting her husband to at least call her and tell her to get out of his hair. She’d already left him thirty messages in his voicemail since seven-thirty.

“Hey, Laura? Um, Ben’s told me to tell you he’s not coming home.”

Laura felt the walls closing in on her. This was it. Her mama was right. Didn’t she say Laura’s painted herself into a corner? Didn’t her mama say on their wedding day that Ben was no good for her—a man full of hot air and nothing else? Why didn’t she listen? Was she really head over heels in love with him ten years ago? Or was it because her time was ticking and she knew beggars couldn’t be choosers.

“Laura?” asked Mark.

No, she wasn’t going down without a fight. Every dark cloud has a silver lining, Laura knew it. It ain’t over until the fat lady sings and she sure wasn’t going to let that fat lady get on the stage. She was going to jump the gun on this one. No more cowering down in the corner. “Mark, is he there? Tell him to be a man and get on the phone.”

“Hey, hey…don’t shoot me, I’m only the messenger. And besides, he’s not here.”

“Where is he? Where the hell is he?” she screamed. She was madder than a wet hen. “Don’t yank my chain, Mark, or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Don’t hang me out to dry, for goodness’ sake Laura. I’m your friend too, you know. I know you two have been fighting like cats and dogs. The whole town knows your marriage is in the rocks ever since that incident at the harbor.”

Laura cringed. That was their worst fight ever—they’d aired out their dirty laundry at the company’s yacht party. God knows they were both drunk, but that was no excuse. When she saw him eyeing out Marcy’s whole enchilada, the cat claws came out.

“Give it a rest, Laura.” Mark’s voice was quiet.

She huffed. “Well, you’re a fair weather friend, aren’t you.” Laura slammed the phone down. This was turning out to be a horrendously bad hair day. Quicker than a New York minute, she folded in on herself. This was death by a thousand cuts. She realized she loved him after all, even though she married him to keep up with the Joneses. Of course she had convinced herself back then that they were soulmates, two peas in a pod. But the years dragged on to reveal they were horses of different colors.

Laura got up and wiped her tears. She would wait for the ink to dry before doing anything drastic. She knew she was up a creek without a paddle, but it wouldn’t last long. She was a survivor, wasn’t she? Maybe it was time to pick up the pieces and move on. There was no denying she zigged in her life when she should have zagged. Tomorrow would be a new day.

She dragged herself to bed to catch some forty winks. It was now two in the morning. Oh well, better late than never.

******
How many did you find? Any guesses? Did you even make it to the end or did your brain explode halfway through?